Teach, Teach!

Just as I think I’ve made a decision, and a difficult one at that, our school board decides to confuse the issue by “partially funding” my previous position for next year. What does that mean? Your guess is as good as mine. There are currently 111 people with my job as instructional lead teacher in our district. That costs the district $7 million per year. They have funded the position at $5.5 million for next year, so clearly, some positions will have to be cut. So how will that look? No idea, but my guess is that some positions will be reduced to half day ILT, half day teaching positions, which would help the district in a number of ways–they would not only save money on the ILT program, but they would regain some strong teachers in the classroom.

My gut tells me I should probably stick with the Graduation Specialist position. Something tells me I’m supposed to do this new job, even as I fear that I won’t be very good at it. But it will get me helping kids again, and that’s something I haven’t done much of this year.

One thing I’ve realized, though, is that I’ve had more significant moments of success this year than I have had in many years in the classroom. Here are a few that I want to record for moments when I’m feeling discouraged:

* I helped a student get his diploma. He could not pass the science section of the Graduation Test, and I helped him by following up, making sure all his documentation was in order, and arguing his case at the county hearing. Both he and his parents made the effort to thank me in person. It may be the most important thing I’ve ever done as an educator.
* I helped support a struggling new math teacher who was ready to quit just a few weeks ago. This week, she came by to tell me that out of 54 Algebra students, 50 had passed the state end of course test. This is an astounding achievement for any math teacher, let alone a first year teacher. I’m so incredibly proud of her.
* I am working with a student who was placed incorrectly into an honors geometry class. The student knew she was misplaced, as did the teacher, the dept. chair, and the guidance counselor. Yet no one did anything to help her as she quietly failed the class. Two weeks ago, I started my campaign, talking to the counselors, the administrators, the dept. chair, the teacher, lobbying for them to allow her to get credit for the on-level course. I spoke with the student this week, and yesterday she ran up to me and hugged me because she had passed the end of course test. Now all she has to do is pass the final for the on level course, and she can receive credit. It’s sad that with all the adults who knew about this injustice, none of them had taken one step to correct it for this child.

I seem to be treading water, still not swimming but at least I’m holding my own in the pool for now. It’s tough. I’ve pretty much decided to take the Graduation Specialist position, but I’m not going to feel good about it until a) they post the position, b) I see my name next to it in writing. Until then, I feel insecure and scared as hell.

Today was my first full day back at work since I heard that my job was being eliminated. It was gratifying to feel valued by so many of the teachers. They were supportive and outraged–a lovely combination right now. One of those teachers really helped me to feel better about the new position I might be assuming–she pointed out several obvious things about how I could do the job, some of which were specific to me and my skills, and it made me feel a lot better. It also made the job seem possible, like something I could actually do.

Now I’m just mentally and physically exhausted. How do people do this, I wonder? How do people look for jobs, choose to quit without a job lined up, on a regular basis? Because I know some people do–they’re fearless and self-assured. Or maybe they just like change. Oh, if only that could be me.

This week I started to have fun with this job again and I was able to do a few of the things that influenced me to take it in the first place.

First, on Wednesday, I taught teachers how to use blogs ALL DAY. No lunch, and I even offered a session after school for those who couldn’t make it to the sessions during the school day. It was fun to be doing something hands-on, not just presenting info, but actually teaching. And so many teachers got excited, said they were seeing the applications and implications in new ways. That’s why I took this job–to help teachers learn and be excited about new strategies and technologies in the classroom. It was a good day.

Then yesterday, I found myself in meetings, but good ones that had relevance to what our true mission should be, meetings that focused on figuring out how to really help the kids who need it the most. And I was fortunate enough to have a good idea or two, to contribute something useful to the discussion. So it was another good day.

And today I was just busy…busy putting into action so many things that have been discussed in the last few days. That’s another thing I’ve learned about myself (something I’ve suspected all along): I function best and am most fulfilled when I have almost too much to do. (Notice I said “almost”–I often had WAY TOO MUCH to do as a classroom teacher, and that’s just stressful and frustrating). Having almost too much means I work late, I feel rushed and just a little overwhelmed, but I’m pretty sure (though never 100%) that I can get it all done, even if it’s just in the nick of time. In some (sick?) way, I kind of like that feeling.

Yes, I’ve been missing in action for the last few months. I’ve been struggling with the changes/challenges in my life and I have discovered that when things are really tough, I avoid blogging. I guess writing forces introspection and sometimes, I’m doing all I can to just cope with what’s being thrown my way. Sometimes actually thinking it through and analyzing it is beyond me when I’m on the front line.

I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I miss my classroom. I miss the kids. I miss feeling as though I am a part of the life of the school. Perhaps most of all, I miss the feeling of knowing not only what needs to be done, but how to do it.

I also miss being in sync with the rest of the school. In my new job, my busy times are completely opposite of, well, everyone else’s. For example, right now, teachers are completely overwhelmed. We have final exams today and tomorrow, and their grades are due by…tomorrow. I remember the anxiety, the exhaustion, and the relief once it was all put to rest.

In contrast, I have had almost nothing to do for the last week or so. Understandably, professional development is on hold at this time of the semester. Also understandably, anxious parents back off for the holidays (usually), and wait for the new semester to begin before deciding that their child should be tested for (fill in the blank) or that their child’s ________ teacher is incompetent and should be taken to court. However, on our first day back in Jan., I may become a human piñata as my admin team continues to fill up the day teachers mistakenly refer to as a “work day.” So during the holiday I’ll be preparing for an all day fun-fest with teachers who only want to be released to their classrooms to prepare for the semester that begins the next day.

Another issue I’ve been struggling with is that, while I truly identify with teachers and their time pressures, I now see all too clearly the other side of things. Teachers do not have enough time to do what they need to do. This includes grading, planning, collaborating with peers, discipline, communicating with parents, and of course, professional development. But here’s the catch-22 as I see it: Because they are stretched so thin, and because their time is so precious, teachers want professional learning to be delivered as quickly as possible. They come away from what I’ve termed “drive-by professional learning” with only the most superficial understanding of the initiative. Understandably, their implementation is then weak, at best, and generally mere lip-service to pacify the admin and the district. So then teachers believe that the initiative itself is worthless, because their own implementation was weak, and it was weak in part because we gave them what they wanted–minimal training.

So what needs to change:

• We need to choose a horse and stick with it. Our district needs to stop its tendency toward the flavor of the month program and make a commitment to something long term.
• We need to spend more time on the front end fully training teachers so that they not only understand what they need to do, but why–what the rationale is for whatever is being put before them.
• We need to connect the dots for teachers. We need to unify our vocabulary so that teachers don’t feel that each strategy, program, etc., is one more thing. Most of the programs I’ve been trained on this year have been very closely connected, touting similar ideas in different terminology. We need to agree as a district on the vocabulary we will use so that teachers can more easily see that all these elements really complement one another and are all part of one puzzle, and not fifty different puzzles.

If only I ran the schools…yeah, right.

Today, it appears that the man who attacked my colleague was killed. He was seen beating another woman, whose car he stole after shoving her into the back. Then, he drove off and ended up crashing into a cement truck. His latest victim was killed in the wreck. Her attacker emerged waving his gun, only to be gunned down himself by a bystander who had witnessed the whole thing.

Is this justice? I’m not sure. Another innocent person, and all those who love her, was destroyed. But at least this evil &*^%$ is off the streets and no one else has to suffer at his hands ever again.

Yesterday was a very sad day. To be truthful, so far, this has been a pretty sad decade. But yesterday hit home.

One of our faculty was beaten and raped in her own home yesterday morning just before school. Her attacker claimed he was from Louisiana, that he had lost everything and therefore had nothing more to lose by hurting this sweet woman. He still hasn’t been apprehended.

I am overwhelmed with emotions. Foremost, incredible grief and empathy for this woman that I barely know. I ache for her–I know that I cannot truly imagine her pain.

But I also feel such grief for those whose worlds have been destroyed by Katrina. And I wonder if her attacker was truthful–I mean, why should he be? Could losing your family and home to a hurricane turn you into a murderous rapist? Or has this hideous human simply compounded his crime by falsely blaming it on other victims?

I worry that others will hear her story and turn away from opportunities to help these people, these victims of a natural disaster, or, even worse, fear and shun them. There is so much heartbreak around us now. How much more can we take?

Perhaps you’re curious as to why my blog is titled “Teach, Teach!” (or, perhaps you do not care…but indulge me.)

1. I wanted to title it “Teacher, Teacher” but that domain was already taken.
2. I like the play on the words, which involves a bit of grammar–observe:

• “Teach, Teach!”–Could be an imperative, emphatically directing someone to teach.
• “Teach, Teach!”–Could be a direct address and an imperative, with the directive of “teach” being given to someone whose nickname is “Teach.”
• “Teach Teach”–Could be a nickname for someone who teaches teachers.
• “Teach, Teach!”–Could be a play on the phrase “tech, tech” which is old and obscure and comes close to meaning “there, there,” a relatively weak expression of sympathy and pacification.
• “Teach, Teach!”–Could be a play on the phrase “tsk, tsk” which is also old and obscure and comes close to meaning “naughty, naughty” a relatively weak expression of remonstrance.

Who would have thought so many meanings could be evoked from the mere repetition of a single word?

My first post on my historic new blog! How exciting! After spending quite a bit of time on my Blogger and Typepad blogs, I am now experimenting with WordPress. With my new job and my new school, I needed a new start in the blogging world.

So what you’ll find here:

Lots of discussion of education. I have been a high school English teacher for 18 years and have just moved into the role of Instructional Lead Teacher. My new job is a very difficult one to describe. At some point, perhaps I’ll link to the county job description. For now, I’ll just categorize it as multi-faceted (like all jobs in education), with emphasis on mentoring, professional development, and technology integration. So far, my year has been dominated by the mentoring part, but I’m sure that will begin to shift soon. I’ve also recently found myself focused on the budgeting angle, which is a new and pretty uncomfortable hat for me to wear.
Ah, well, it seems the time for my blogging has come and gone this morning. Let’s all have a great day!