It’s the word I would use to describe my life right now. At the moment, everything feels like too much, more than I, or others, should be expected to bear. I’m not even sure where to start.

On Friday morning, at roughly 6:30 AM, I checked my email only to discover that my job is being eliminated due to budget cuts. There were no warnings. We had not been told to expect it or plan for it. Just boom! My job, which I had only recently grown to like, is gone.

I went to work and my principal immediately offered me a teaching position in our school. I don’t want it. It just hurts to think about all the things I put into place this year disappearing. And I don’t think I could bear to watch it happen over the course of next year.

The dept. chair at my old school emailed me to offer me a position as the newspaper sponsor/English teacher. I met with him that afternoon to discuss it. It’s an option, but I can’t get past the feeling that it would mean I’m going backwards. Add to that the fact that I didn’t feel valued there anyway at the end, and it makes it even harder to deal with.

So I have an interview lined up for Mon. morning at the new high school, one that is just opening next year. I’m trying to think positively, trying to talk myself into getting excited about opening a new school, having new challenges, and meeting new people. But the truth is, I just want to keep the job I have now. And that’s not an option.

Add to this issue the following additional stresses:

* My mom started chemo again on Fri. (yes, the same day I lost my job)
* My grandfather died on Fri. (yes, the same day I lost my job)

Do I sound self-pitying? Probably. Do I feel that I have a right? Damn straight.